I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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