Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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