Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
