For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
