Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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