I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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