is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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