i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
