If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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