I haven't been this sober since birth.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have aggressive nipples.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
