Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
two words: eviction party
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
