Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
4 words: hood of his car
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Randomize
