We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
