Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
