dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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