PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
