He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
