apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
