I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
