You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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