I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
