If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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