no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
