Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
