thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
