his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
