Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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