Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
