Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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