..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
