I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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