hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
