if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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