Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
