I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize