i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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