dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
