I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He is an equal opportunity slut.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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