I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
