The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
