I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can text with my tongue
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
