I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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