Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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