Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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