Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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