I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
