I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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