Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
