...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
