Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
