Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
