I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
