I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Blood and glitter go together right?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
