Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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