I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
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I'm just crazy horny about you
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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