i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
