Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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