Don't you send me to vm
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
