She said her name was "party"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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