When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
