Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
