I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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