I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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