WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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