hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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